midnight musings

August 21st, 2006 by littleflower
note: yes, this is the same post i have at my easyjournal. but this blog has been giving a lonely vibe. hahaha. and has been a wee bit sore at me.  but it ain’t my fault.  this is my journal, at the side.  one of my many journal concubines. haha
 
disclaimer: the following items were written (yes, handwritten) in one night when i couldn’t seem to sleep. maybe too many things are unsettled at the moment. or maybe things are just too chaotic. or maybe the balance of things have gone a little skewed.

august 20, 2006
1:33am

the weird thing about these things sometimes is that it is awkward at best. what exactly can i say? i’m not sure. that’s why it is awkward at best. i’m not sure what to say yet i have this desire to write. I get in these moods sometimes but i don’t really know how to explain them but just let you endure this torture as you read through mindless scribbles of my handwriting . . .

ha ha

i guess sometimes an awkward silence might be better . . .

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august 20, 2006
3am

where exactly do these ramblings end? or should i be asking when?

i no longer have a concept of time. night and day no longer holds much bearing in my concept of time. Alaska has changed that.

idle time can be the mind’s best friend or worst enemy. and one cannot really control the extent of travel one’s thoughts make.

past. present. future.

not much use in dwelling in the past. it’s done and over with. some with regrets. with amazement. and those . . . . "sighs"

sometimes i wonder where i had gone wrong. am i to be held responsible for the stupidity of other people? or for the realization that i had put up with such stupidity, triviality, and immaturity? i guess it puts things into perspective sometimes. i ask myself why i can get so affected sometimes. you can’t help it. because no matter how you think it or how you try to repress it, it actually happened and wasn’t just some bador weird memory, dream, or concoction of my overly active (at times) imagination.

and it will always just lead to one question: "why?"

one thing i’ve always learned: there never really is a definite answer.

not that i’m actually looking for an answer. just a rational form of one. one that my brain can recognize as some form of answer. one that can take the form and quench my mind, for the time being (until it goes stale and i go through the cycle all over again).

present.

i guess nothing shakes up the past more than when you’re treading on shaky ground. loose ends. then again, i should realize that nothing is as concrete as i would want it to be.

here i am trying to connect the past with the future in what is known as the present. a dashed line between a solid line and an invisible line… (or is it lines)

future.

i am burdened by nothing yet everything.. grasping. reaching. . . for sometihng that isn’t quite tangible. . . . yet.

mayceee: time traveler extraordinaire.

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untitled

November 19th, 2005 by littleflower

Humor_postanyone who knows me would know that i do not or would rarely use this blog. 

         

www.littleflower.easyjournal.com

or click on the feed on my profile.

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where to start

July 11th, 2005 by littleflower

* an excerpt from my main blog at www.littleflower.easyjournal.com*

it’s been over a month maybe even two since i last wrote in this…. and honestly, i don’t know where to start.  i don’t even know if i should express my thoughts into words. words put limits.  a certain boundary that boxes everything up to set definitions.  and they fall short.  lacking. 

i could talk of joys… and still be fogged down by sadness. a cloud may have its silver lining.  and a rose its thorns. 

i have lost two cousins this year.  the second one came to be a complete shock.  things have its way of turning around and just smacking you right in the face.  it hit hard.  and can’t help but ask the countless "whys?" and we all know that noone can answer. 

such is life.  the joys. the sadness.  the complexities that fill in every nook and crevice that makes up who we are. 

www. littleflower.easyjournal.com

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polite

May 12th, 2005 by littleflower

* an excerpt from my main blog at www.littleflower.easyjournal.com *

i don’t know why. . . i can’t help it sometimes. but i find it hard to be bitchy. especially to people that most deserve some severe tongue lashing… but i don’t have the heart. yet, i wouldn’t say that i have a heart of gold.

kill with kindness. that’s another way of putting it. yet i’m no shrew that needs taming. nor a bianca that needs disposal of an elder sister.

hypocrisy is a double-edged sword that is my tongue…. maybe not my tongue. perhaps, more of my smile. it is not a tool that is unique to me. and one may find out, sooner or later, that it is a tool that is used by most. not to win the favor of others or to gain wide popularity. it is, perhaps, a reaction to society, an event, a situation.

some things, or people, are really just not worth the effort. the effort of a good debate. a deep confrontation. a thorough discussion. one must pick his, or in my case - her, "fights." and person that is worthy of it.

*smile*

www.littleflower.easyjournal.com

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pictures!!!

May 3rd, 2005 by littleflower

i’ve never realized what an impact one picture can do… but apparently it has some.  and it all started because i changed my profile picture.  i didn’t think it was a big deal until i got all sorts of comments from different people.  c’mon, i was not trying to make any kind of statement.  not intentionally anyway.  and whatever it is, it did not merit any kind of unwanted attention… especially from complete strangers.  coz now, all of a sudden, i’m getting invites from people i don’t even know.  not to be a big bitch about it, i’m not to keen on getting weird messages from people i don’t even know.  .  . and i ain’t your "baby" so i really don’t need all those nasty "kisses" to be blowing my way.  gosh!  whatever. 

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